Conversation with My Self – Part 1.

Conversing with other people is one of the favorite pas-time we all have. The conversations varied from person to person, position to position, time to time, age to age. But most of us forget the art and importance of talking with ones’ self. Since all the developments and destructions being with us and begin with us a little bit of extra care and concentrating on ones self will do us a world of good.

Enthused by this sudden thought I sat with my self” over a cup of coffee and a couple of cigarettes started exploring the connections and dispositions. It is truly a fascinating journey I must tell you. I don’t expect you all to agree with me on this but the question is not to agree with me but to agree with your selves after your rendezvous with your self’.

Finishing of all the necessary and formal greetings, self asked me, "By the size of your body I could say you are fed well, more than what you actually require which is a sure sign of inviting trouble in future are you going to do anything on this buddy?"

Absolutely I said to my self “I have been practicing yoga, meditating regularly, reading self improvement and exploration books, looking to serve the office and society better”.

“Ah! That’s very nice to hear” my self said. “You told me sometime back you are going to start walking and stop smoking. Where do you stand in that?”

The self’s question put me in a spot of quandary. Ideally this is not the first question I expect from my self since I have promised myself only to speak truth and no lies how hurtful or delicate the situation it is. “No to both” I replied self.

My self chuckled “what an answer dear boy. You are practicing yoga, doing pranayama and sit for meditation, reading books of your size and less to improve yourself, but still you cannot start a good habit and kick a bad habit, isn’t that a bit weird?”

Sweat beads started forming in my forehead and I just brush it of with my right thumb pretending as though the sweat is by lack of air and not from my lack of commitment. “I am trying and trying really hard on both counts but some thing doesn’t happen. But surely I will do one day, don’t doubt my sincerity on that” I replied and I replied a tad fast and I could sense my own shade of lies embossed on the words.

“Leave it buddy," my self said "lets deal with it later since when you started smoking and since when you started walking" my self asked. Irritated by this ridiculous question I answered "I am walking for the past 39 years and smoking for the past 20 years what is the big deal fella?" I asked my self.

“So your walking experience precedes your smoking experience and we give greater respect to people, thing, job and rate high of all of those with more experience, isn’t that right brother? Don’t get confused mathu,” my self explained to me “I just relate facts and figures to you for a better understanding. Now that you have accepted that your walking pre-dates your smoking why don’t you give the respect that activity deserves and why do you show your affection to a habit which is 19 years younger than a good habit.”

The statement really hit me but not so hard as I was prepared for this line of conversation and I am confident of overwhelming my self by my intelligent answering. “Walking needs physical exertion but smoking needs little effort. It is just a puff and huff that’s all.”

“Nice answering” my self chortled. "Then why do people who go for regular health checkup especially cardiac patients are advised for a tread mill walk or jog to test their heart condition, they could do away with a pack of cigarette or so. The first questions asked to a heart patient is whether they are smokers and do they walk regularly. Can you explain me on that friend?"

“Oh! It is just a formal question by the medicos to use me as an accessory in all sorts of medical equipments they have bought, brought, or gifted make my butt swell a bit by injection and reduce the swell of my purse with the bills” I replied.

“Is it so? Let us see the fact” my self cleared its throat enjoying every moment of my annoying postures and irritation. “Let us delve deeply my dear mathu. Do you please tell me that what are all the good things you have or had?” Take your time before you answer.

I answered with a pride almost immediately, “I have a business mobile, I own a car, I own a home, I draw a decent salary, I have a pc at home, my kid is studying in a good school, while my wife takes care of the family well. Till this day I had everything I like”.

"Very rightly said dear boy rightly said. All the good things you said you have could also be with other people, even better than you. What is the single commonest thing you have which others don’t have?" my self questioned.

"My whole body and my brain", is the instantaneous reply from me. “You deserve a small acclamation with a clap for this answering my self said to me, then why do you want to spoil the body with a habit which could even make your lively body into a dead body, and damaging your brain with toxic thoughts as one toxin is going to multiply and your whole body become toxic including your brain.”

“Tell me if I am wrong” my self said to me “you have listed some of the good things you possess. I have a complete and different set of answers for that question. You have a fully grown body that means you are not handicapped of any sort. You have adequate education which helped you to stay afloat in your current profession if not go so high, you earn some sum handsome to your packets and could run your family with or without debts, with your kid studying in a good school and you live in a home said to be your own till you exist physically in this world.

But can you deny me all this will not be yours unless you live a healthy life, even between the words Health and Wealth H” comes first in alphabet. As the old but a gold saying goes all of us chasing wealth compromising on our health. Later we spend all the wealth earned without caring for the Health for the same purpose which actually deteriorates after some time. This takes me to the other part of your life you forgot to mention but will not be forgotten for life – YOUR CHILDHOOD.

to be continued....